20
by whennext2you
Summary: Sam is in college and Dean tells him the truth about his feelings. Sam maybe takes it a little too far. Wincest


**Title: 20**

**Summary: Sam is in college and Dean tells him the truth about his feelings. Sam maybe takes it a little too far. Wincest**

**Pairing: Wincest. Dean/Sam**

**Rating: M just to be safe, it's honestly not too bad or _that_ graphic. But if you don't like it please don't read, no flaming thanks**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sam and Dean Winchester, or their feelings because they probably don't actually feel like that or get this emotional :]**

**20**

Sam scratched his head nervously and looked at his brother and smiled…nervously. He looked away and then turned back; Dean's face was as straight as ever. Dean was slightly leaned forward and blinked a couple of times.

"You were being serious…?" Sam asked and rested his arms on the table next to the window. Dean nodded and reclined back against the bed he was sitting on. Sam looked out the window and took in a breath. He was about to say something but Dean cut him off.

"I wouldn't lie about this," Dean snapped but continued to look at his younger brother.

"But why, Dean? Why now? Why not before I left?" he snapped right back. Sam leaned on his palm and looked at the door. The curtains were slightly drawn at the window. The Impala sat sparkling in the afternoon sun in California

"You needed to know, to understand."

"What's there to understand," Sam shouted, "Jess…" he exhaled. Dean continued to stare at him.

"I'm family."

"That's the problem, isn't it, Dean? You are my family! That's what I'm talking about."

"Your point wasn't very clear, then," he said through gritted teeth and closed his eyes. Sam sighed and watched the door, wondering how quickly he could get out of there. He told Jess he was spending the whole day with his brother, she was probably out with some girlfriends so he wouldn't get very far.

"_How about you and I go grab some lunch," Dean asked from the phone. He was standing in a phone booth just in the downtown._

"_That sounds nice," Sam said, "I want to know how you've been."_

"_You could've called."_

"_I know."_

Sam rubbed the back of his hand over his mouth in thought. He looked over at to where his older brother sat, probably wondering what to say to his younger brother. How his younger brother was feeling right now. And Sam didn't know, but he wasn't going to run away. He had decided he couldn't run away right now. Not because this situation got so complicated.

"Does Dad know?" Dean snorted and looked at Sam.

"Are you kidding, he'd friggin' exercise me if he knew."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier," Sam asked again.

"You'd leave anyway," he said, "It isn't like it would've changed anything." Sam simply nodded and looked out the window again. It was a pretty heavily populated place; they were in a tourist town and even the dingy they were Dean was staying at was all book. People ran down the block with surfboards to the beach which was only a block away.

"But why'd you wait until now," Sam asked, "I'd really like to know." Sam Winchester was 20 years old and was enjoying college life with his girlfriend Jess, never having heard from his brother or father since the day he had left.

"I don't know, Sammy," he shouted. It through Sam off a little bit. Unlike Dean, Sam didn't have very defined muscles, his stomach a flat, his arms weren't very big, and he still looked very stringy compared to his shorter and broader older brother. "You just needed to know because it was eating at me, and it was worse when you left. Knowing you were on your way to a normal life and I still had to hunt. But you left and it felt like I was empty and I felt broken and I just needed you to understand what I was going through." Dean bit his lip and looked away. "Good thing I can just check out when I bring you back later tonight, you won't have to deal with me anymore."

The chair screeched backwards and Dean half expected a slap in the face or if he was lucky, a punch. But there was no pressure; he just heard breathing at the end of the bed. He turned to look at his brother who stood tall with a sad look on his face.

"I understand," he said and took another step closer and reached out his hand to grab his sibling's. Dean grasped it and Sam pulled him to his feet.

"Want me to drive you back?" Dean asked looking over his brother's shoulder. The only response he got was a shake of a head from the tight-lipped Sam. "You can't want this life," Dean said and pressed his hand to his brother's cheek if that was the only thing he could do. Sam shook his head and bit his lip. Dean looked down and Sam took a step forward.

"All this time," Sam whispered but kept his hands to his side, "I've felt empty too. You are my other half, Dean. You are very important to me, if not the most important. And I know you are hurting, and I can it myself." He pressed his own hand to his chest and then pressed his against his older brother's and gripped the shirt tightly. Sam then pushed backwards and Dean fell onto the bed and Sam stepped away and walked back over to the table.

"How about you try," Dean said scooting off the bed and walking behind his brother pulling off his jacket and setting it on the chair. "We can get through it," the light brunette reassured and leaned forward to press his lips against the younger's neck. Sam exhaled and it sounded like a breathless moan. "I want you…so badly," Dean whispered. Sam shook his head again but didn't stop Dean. So Dean kept on going. "I just want to hold you," he said wrapping his hands around his brother's torso and pulling him backwards until the back of Dean's legs hit the bed. He then pulled out from the back and stood at Sam's front. "What do you want, baby brother?"

"This to make sense," he said and Dean nodded with a small smile and Dean sat in the middle of the bed.

"Then you decide," Dean said and Sam turned to look at him, looking like he wanted to cry. His next move would be the deciding factor of what his life would turn out. Where his and Jess's relationship would go and what would happen between his big brother and himself. His eyes darted to the door and then back to Dean who was looking up at him. Sam moved a little closer to the door and stopped.

"What are you thinking, kiddo," Dean asked looking smartly at Sam, "What do you want?"

Sam glared at Dean and then stalked out of the hotel room and walked around the Impala and sat on the ground, crying. He had no idea. It was Jess or his brother…Jess! Or his brother! He buried his face in his knees and heard a motel door shut softly and then the pattering of boots in his direction. They almost walked past until they heard the stifled sob from the side of the car.

"Sammy," Dean whispered and crouched down next to him, his right hand on the side of the car, his body blocking the bright sun from his brother's face. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I-" in one swift motion Sam had his arms locked around his brother's neck and their lips were pressed together in a heated fashion that only true fear and insanity could cover in the first kiss. Dean hesitated for a second and felt his heart break beneath his skin. He pushed away falling on his butt. "No," he spoke and wiped his mouth, the taste of Sam still lingering on his lips. "Can't pressure you. I don't want you this way."

"What way, Dean," Sam shouted, some onlookers were watching them from the side of the road. "You don't want your brother messed up and sick in the head on the ground. You don't want to screw me so hard into the mattress and make me orgasm your name so loud that it will wake up Jess and make her realize that only you can give me what _I_ want? What _you_ want? You don't want me to scream your name over and over again until my throat is so raw that I can't even breathe. Having you slam into me until I can't walk?" Sam's voice quivered. Dean's face was beat red and he looked behind him to see a couple staring at them with their mouths wide open. He tore his eyes away to where Sam was fumbling with his buckle on the ground. Dean sprinted over to him and grabbed him by the arm and heaved him to his feet.

"He was just joking," Dean called.

"N-" Dean cut him off with his hand and then opened the door and with one last reassuring smile to the people on the street he threw Sam inside and slammed the door, locked it and shut the curtains. He stared at Sam who was panting loudly and was standing next to the bed. "Is this how you want me," he asked opening his arms to emphasize himself. Dean stood still as he watched his brother kick off his shoes and crawl onto the bed. He lay flat and shoved his hand into his pants and moaned. "Big brother," he thrusted his hips upward as he pleasured himself. "Want me…like this?" he gasped and threw his head back biting his lip and moaning at the friction. Dean watched with his mouth open. "How wrong…" he groaned and flexed his body, moving his hand faster. "So right…" he finished and moaned Dean's name again. Sam came and pulled his hand from his pants and Dean stared at him, bubbling up with something unknown. He felt so confused and had no idea what was going on. His brother just jerked off using his name. But it seemed to be some sort of game.

"What are you doing?"

"Giving you what you want," Sam shouted and Dean took two large strides over to his little brother and slapped him as hard as he could across the face.

"That's not what I want from you! You're friggin' 20 years-old, don't you dare act like a 5 year-old."

"How long have you wanted me," Sam questioned ignoring the last statement, "how long have you wanted to grind yourself into me," Sam accentuated it with a rough movement upward. "You can see how flexible I am."

"ENOUGH!" Dean screamed and slapped him one more time, "What's wrong with you? You aren't my Sammy, the Sammy I fell in love with."

"You shouldn't have fallen in love with me at all."

"This is what this is about," Dean cackled, "Grow up, Sam! _Grow-the-hell_ up! If you think you can play these games to try and turn me away. Since that is what you are _obviously_ doing. Then grow up!"

"I'm 20."

"You're sure as hell not acting like it."

"Go to Hell."

"Why are you saying this?"

"I want you out of my life," Sam spat and sat up and re-zipped his pants. "You can't have this, this is wrong, you are wrong. You're not-"

"I'm not normal! Yeah, tell me about it! For your information our lives aren't normal! Have you met us! You were _born_ into this life," Dean laughed, "good luck trying to get out of it."

"I have Jess."

"Sooner or later she'll be just like Mom. _Dead_." And Dean wanted to take back those words, he went too far, but so had Sam. Sam's face fell and he looked at his lap. "Sammy, I'm s-"

"It's Sam," Sam spoke. "It was my fault, I was wrong." He confessed and Dean raised an eyebrow in wonderment about where this was coming from.

"I-"

"I can't have you, Dean. And you can't have me. I have Jess now and she's all I want."

"I'm sorry," Dean said. "Let me drive you home." The ride back was silent and uncomfortable. It was just like old times, but it was different somehow. They pulled across the street from Sam and Jess's apartment and Sam got out of the car.

"Don't call me, Dean. Please, I just want to be left alone. Out of this life, I don't want or need hunting. I'm out, I have a normal life. And with you…it isn't. Later." Sam crossed the street and didn't look back until Dean was out of reach and out of sight.

**2 Years Later**

Sam felt his heart break in a way that he could not imagine. Jess was dead and he had just been on a hunt with his brother. His brother…his Dean.

They drove to a motel, Sam was still unnaturally quiet with the right to be because his girlfriend was dead just like Dean had predicted.

"You were right," Sam finally admitted.

"I didn't want to be. I never meant it back then."

"But you had all right to say it." Sam's eyes were glassy. His rebellion of a 20 year-old was gone and he was back in hunting with a vengeance and with his brother. "What I did to you-"

"I'm over it, let's not talk about it."

"No," Sam said, "I was wrong back then, too. I missed you." His hand rested on his thigh and Dean looked up. His foresty-green eyes stared into the broken and miserable looking ones. Dean pulled onto the side of the road.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to hear that from you." Dean leaned over and pressed his lips against Sam's and Sam pressed back with all will. It was nothing like the way Jess had kissed him, it was different somehow. Sam crawled onto his lap and Dean attacked his neck and lips with kisses and bites. Dean lay him down in the front seat and took him right then and there; Sam regretted nothing but hadn't forgotten about Jess just yet. Tears still fell from his face as he curled up with Dean in a Queen sized bed, lying together, naked, he still thought about her, but only for a little while longer.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:** Heyy! I thought I'd switch it up a little because I've never written a story like this. I hope you enjoyed. Comments are welcome! (:_


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